The Couch Conflict
Greetings & Salutations Friends! This is funny & tricky & we all gotta deal with some version of it when we share our existence with anyone. Husband, wife, co-worker, class mate, yoga buddy...we all gotta share the same space at some point with others...so let's deep dive into compromise when we don't see eye to eye.
What do you do when you love someone so much...like...more then words can say & you can't agree on something important? Many-a-times back as a youngin, I remember knowing couples who couldn't agree on having kids & well...to me, that is the ultimate deal breaker. Tricia & Rob were the CUTEST couple, but sadly had to split because of the kid conflict. She wanted kids. He didn't. This break up? It was just not at all right. They were so in love. I always swore that neither of them would ever be the same, love the same or act the same after this very sad split. When they split...something was off. We all tried to help, intervene, offer solutions, but nothing seemed to work. From that dreaded Tricia & Rob debacle, every other spousal disagreement seemed easy to me....most common conflicts are easily resolvable.
When Manny & I moved in together, our biggest challenge was he insisted that there be no dogs on the couches or the bed. I wanted the opposite. I think it was the first & only time I wondered...is he the one for me? My mind went immediately back to the "kids" conflict & my friends Tricia & Rob. Thankfully, Manny gave in & to this day, we all gather on the bed at night in a big pile of love! He may complain at times, but I know he wouldn't have it any other way. Like our pups, most things can be compromised. Which brings me to this...THE COUCH CONFLICT which I am in the throws of. If you've walked through the Good Soul lobby anytime recently, you've probably heard me crying about it.
So as Mark Manson so brilliantly put in his book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*&%, basically, you have to take the good with the bad. In other words, if you want to be in a successful ANYTHING...it's not can you do it, it's can you endure the many challenges that getting to the peak presents. In this case, if you want a husband who is loyal, caring, present, happy to be around you & willing to enthusiastically play an active role in the household happenings, he's ALSO going to (most likely) want to have a voice in most decisions.
Well, my husband is just that. From the day we met he is available to lovingly do anything from watch Netflix to decide on what's for dinner. He's my best friend, my partner, my true companion. I love all of this. I live for all of this. I am a hopeless romantic who happens to be CRAZY ABOUT HIM...but here's the rub, he want's to have an equal say in the color & style & vibe of our home decor & furniture. Oh how we differ. He wants comfort & practicality & I want it to look really good & feel really good. I was in shock. I'll never forget when I first moved here & I went out and got us a outdoor sectional & when I returned home thinking he would be over the moon excited, he was terribly miffed that he didn't have a say. He doesn't like "U" shaped couches & how could I possibly do such a thing without his consent. I was heartbroken. What I'm used to is a my dad not caring the LEAST about how my mother chose to decorate the house. He would hand her the check book & be on his way. I will say, HOWEVER, he was always busy at work, spent little of his waking hours at home & until the day he died, probably didn't know my age...he was THE BEST, just in different ways then Manny.
Back to today. We are on the tail end of building a house & all sorts of decisions need to be made. While I love a good Joybird, Anthro/Urban Outfitters, West Elm with a splash of Ikea to water things down a bit, he's more of the Big Lots, Lazy-Boy, man cave type vibe (GREAEEAAAT). I have a vision of a big beautiful fluffy white Cloud Couch form Restoration...he's seeing a dark brown puffy leather looking thing ("stadium seating"?). And I cry. I want to make him happy, but at the same time...I WANT TO BEEEEE HAPPY. I love fashion and decor & I love to make a heart flutter with a magical vibe & that includes (probably more then anything) when you walk into my house. The house we are building (which I've so aptly named, the Bohemian Bungalow) is an open floor plan & what I DON'T want people to see when they walk in is the couch equivalent to a football plopped center in our space. Turns out I'm not alone. A simple Google search will tell you that many-a-couples suffer from COUCH CONFLICT. I found many articles written by women in a similar predicament. Le sigh....
Thankfully, in 2023, it's not your Mama's Lazy-Boy & there is a happy medium they we will find. Creating parameters & finding a few options is what every women agrees on. Side bar, my friend Maryann explained to me that one of her stipulations with her husband Ian was, "THERE WILL BE NO BUILT IN CUP HOLDERS IN ANY OF OUR FURNITURE". I cry, but this time, laughing.
One night last week, I got a rapid fire of emails from Manny (as he sat right next to me) with links to, what I would consider, the MOST GOD AWFUL looking couches I have ever seen. I immediately texted my friend Sandy something along the lines of..."I'm having a nervous breakdown, I can't breathe & something like...please help me". When she figured out that I was ok & it was just couches, she just laughed & also suggested the multiple choice solution. After showing the images to various women in the studio, I thought I might make a video montage of their reactions...all, priceless.
So here's where I'm at. Here's the moral of the story...compromise. Make it easy. I can agree to the leather, but a recliner will be off to the side. Like I said, Lazy Boy has come a long was & they have some sleek stuff that I can live with. There will be no cup holders (which we have now ahahahah) so that I can rest my head in his lap when we watch movies. With the right pillow & area rug (multiple choice completed successfully last week) everything else fun that defines the vibe of a room, I'll be happy, he'll be happy & we'll enjoy watching Netflix being comfy cozy on a couch we both love knowing full & well, we did it with a mutual respect for each others needs in this perfect collaboration we call, our marriage.
So yes, what I will do is compile, yet another, collage of about 4-6 couches that I love & let him decide. Let's pray it works. Ladies & Gentleman I am willing to talk you off a COUCH CONFLICT (or insert your very own personal situation) should you need me to. Thank you for being here. Thank you for letting me share all of this. TOGETHER GUYS...WE CONTINUE TO RISE & dance with life together in the process. Have the happiest day! Love love love love you guys!
*PS this was a blog post written this past spring & in light of the new blog format, I though I would share due to it's overwhelming feedback.